Im at strip club and am horny
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
