i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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