So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know her cup size but not her name....
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