Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

How drunk are you??

(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm flawless.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin

(914): View more from New York

and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

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(630): View more from Illinois

wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

(816): View more from Missouri

yes. helicopter.

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(480): View more from Arizona

The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.

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(248): View more from Michigan

we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies

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(515): View more from Iowa

As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low

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