Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My pussy is not your playground.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
