I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize