I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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