you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
