I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize