I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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