yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
