Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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