I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
