I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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