I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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