he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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