my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ugly people sure do ruin things
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize