i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
