My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
