why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
