Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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