Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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