all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
