weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
