Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
