oh god the rape fog is back!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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