You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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