I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize