My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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