im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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