I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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