I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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