No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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