the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
