I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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