You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
MIDGETS
????
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
