just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
