have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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