He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize