one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
