he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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