Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We got so high we made milksteak
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
