I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
