Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
