Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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