Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
