even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
