And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
