Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize