Best friends brother. Beat that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
