I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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