I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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