How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
