I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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