OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
