I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
