My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
