Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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