The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
