Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
