I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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