your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize