Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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