woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
