OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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