Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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