Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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