The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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