On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The air was thick with penises
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize