Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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