New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
