Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
