Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
