shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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