Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
