You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
