dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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