she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
