So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
