Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
