I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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