i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
