new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
