It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
