Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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