Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
